Hanna Andersson

I just came home from a beautiful amazing morning walk. Not very sunny and warm this morning but I love it, this area is so nice, there's flowers and plants that I never seen in my whole life. Just have to stop and take pictures of it. That's why I'm sooo active on Instagram for now cause I want everyone to see what I see, it's amazing! After I dropped off kiddos at school I felt like I wanted to enjoy this morning as much as possible so the best way was to take a walk and wow It was great I must say that.
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I said in the phone the other day to a friend that it feels like I'm walking on sunshine even if it at this moment was the darkest night, but It's very true. My head is almost exploding of thoughts and I feel like it's not right to keep it to myself. It feels like I'm suppose to write it all down so that's what I'm doing right now.

I'm aware that this is very personal information about my life, I actually hesitated before I decided to write it in my blog, since I know that anyone can read it, I first just wrote it all for myself in my phone.

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I also know now why my new Guitar that I've been waiting for weeks broke almost at the same moment as I got it. If I would have the chance to play with it this morning, I wouldn't have gone for the walk and this wouldn't have been written.
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I've been thinking a lot about me and money. I'm a spender, I would say that If I have money I'm always thinking how I will save it all and do good, but It's not really working that way. So today I really thought about it and why it's like this. And I came up with this, I should stop spending money on stuff that I don't really need more then necessary like cigarettes, alcohol, sweets or whatever. Of course I want to enjoy life but I know I have a lot, more then enough, more then some other people. If there's something I don't really need why should I spend money on it. If I pray for economy and health I have to make sure I'm doing the best I can, not expecting that It'll solve it self.

If I have money and will just spend it on something worthless then I can rather give it to someone that needs it more. I'm gonna try to save my money for trips now, cause I know that will do good for me and when I see more of the world I get more aware and then I can use that to be able to effect and help instead. It all sounds easy to say but I know this will be something to work on. I love shopping, to much haha.
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Next thing I was thinking about is food and eating disorders. Which is something that I guess not many knows but It's been something I've struggled with for years. I've done it all, anorexia (starving), bulimia, (throwing up), Binge Eating (over eat?) (hetsäta on Swedish). I view food very different from others and all of this has been in my head everyday. I've felt regret after almost every meal and I've felt proud if I did go a day or days without anything to eat at all.

I view this very different now, I believe now that I'm a creation of God and therefore I should treat myself and my body with respect. My body is my temple and a reflection of God. I can't longer look at myself and say; you're ugly, stupid etc. I can instead be thankful that I have the opportunity to eat whatever I want whenever I want. God created food as well and for our body to need it. You should take the chance you have to fill up with more energy, if you can when it's needed. So to eat to much or nothing at all is not showing that you appreciate and respect it.

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Even if I'm not 100 % there yet I'm really getting there and this is going great! I realized that If I don't respect myself, who will? I can say that I many times felt like I hated myself, how I look, what I do, that what I did was not good enough, everything. It's really changing, I feel like a new person, with new eyes to see with even If I'm same old Hanna.

I'm thankful and blessed with a life like this, it would be a shame not to life it to the fullest and be happy about it. Every morning I thank God for been given a new day. I wasn't always like that. It was more like, I wish that someone would come kill me right at the spot some mornings cause I wasn't even a little bit curious about what the day could give.
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If I by telling others, opening up and sharing thoughts that I've have in my head it might help someone else that's in the same boat or are struggling with something. Maybe I can show you a new perspective and that might help, If I can I want to help, as much as possible.

Even if I still have things in my life that is not perfect and I know I'll face ups and downs the rest of my life I now have a bunch of tools that will help me deal with it another way! I respect other peoples view about life and solutions to problems and I learn something new everyday. But this is how feel that It makes sense.

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Finally I want to share this, this is the first thing I wrote this morning, but sometimes first will come last. I'm inspired from friends.

Nothing is awkward until you make it awkward. Nothing is complicated if you don't make it complicated. What is the worst thing that can happen? I don't even fear death anymore. I realize things that I already knew but I see it with new eyes, this is happening everyday.

I'm never alone, Jesus is always with me. Everything is already written so whatever happens I know that It's suppose to happen. I don't have to be stressed or worried because whatever is meant for me will not pass.
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Mormor:
Nu ska jag hjälpa dig hur du kan få ut det mesta och bästa om du är intresserad av mina inlägg eftersom jag nu skirver allt på engelska. Klicka på denna länk, eller kopiera länken och sätt i nytt fönster om det inte funkar http://translate.google.com/#en/sv/love%20you och du kan få allt översatt från engelska till svenska. Mejla mig om du inte får till det så kan jag beskriva mera.

This is pictures from my morning walk,
my adventure to a beach I went to yesterday close by
and some that I've upload on Instagram.
Enjoy